Episode 13: The Conscience of the King: You Never Go Full Ophelia

As we continue our five trillion year voyage to watch all of Star Trek, we end up watching some Shakespeare instead! I mean, we watch Star Trek: The Original Series episode 13, “The Conscience of the King.” It’s the one where Lady Macbeth is played by Macbeth’s daughter!

This time, we ponder space hookups, Kirk pulls a Hamlet (but with less eyeliner), no one tells Spock anything so he googles that shit, and also there’s a war criminal. Space fashion plays a critical role, and Riley is almost sympathetic for once. Remember, dear listeners: you never go full Ophelia.

Omnipotent beings this episode: 0

Total omnipotent being count: 3

Crew deaths this episode: 0

Total crew deaths: 20 (2 gold, 4 blue, 4 red, 10 unknown)

Non-crew deaths this episode: 2

Total deaths: 52

Episode 12: The Menagerie pt. 1 & 2: The Cage 2: Electric Boogaloo

This week on our five hundred year mission to watch all of Trek in order, it’s episodes 11 & 12 of TOS, “The Menagerie!” This is the one that brings the show’s episode numbers in line with the podcast episode numbers!

 

We covered both parts in this episode, but completely skipped all the stuff that happened in the Cage. Except for Pike’s extra-short bed. Spock does a mutiny, Pike doesn’t know Morse code, there are a few issues we’re too lazy to touch on, and also other things?!

 

Seriously, we thought this episode was going to end up doubly long, but so much of the runtime is just The Cage. So you get to listen to a double episode that’s as long as a regular episode!

 

No updates to the tallies.

 

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Episode 11: The Corbomite Maneuver: Please Let My Boy Rest: Please Let All of Them Have a Nice Nap

Our eleventh episode is Star Trek: The Original Series’ tenth, The Corbomite Maneuver! This is the one with the spinning cube!

This time, we come up with a Hugo-award winning story idea, run the space race, talk about time cube, and find something alarming about space physicals. The Enterprise fires her phasers at an enemy vessel for the first time, Spock tells a joke, and Bailey’s secret connection to the Dragon Age franchise is revealed. No wonder they can’t wait to get rid of him.

Omnipotent beings this episode: 1

Total omnipotent being count: 3

Crew deaths this episode: 0

Total crew deaths: 20 (2 gold, 4 blue, 4 red, 10 unknown)

Non-crew deaths this episode: 0

Total deaths: 50

Episode 10: Dagger of the Mind

Join us as we walk about Star Trek: The Original Series episode 9 – The Dagger of the Mind! This is the one with the memory-erasing beam!

This time, we talk about ethics in mind alteration, infra-sensory drugs, mental health and prisons, and ridiculous Greek names. Kirk’s nerd cred continues to amass itself, Dr. Noel saves Christmas, and space fashion involves psychedelic drapes and cult emblems. Also, panty shots! This one gets relatively heavy because of the subject of the episode, but we still have a great time.

Omnipotent beings this episode: 0

Total omnipotent being count: 2

Crew deaths this episode: 0

Total crew deaths: 20 (2 gold, 4 blue, 4 red, 10 unknown)

Non-crew deaths this episode: 2 mind-wiped space criminals

Total deaths: 50

NOTE: The ID3 tags on this episode might be wonky and misidentify it as episode 11? Sorry about that! It’s not. It’s episode 10.

Episode 9: Miri: Bunk bunk!

Bunk bunk! It’s to talk about Star Trek TOS episode 8, Miri! BLAH BLAH BLAH.

This time, we talk about Yeoman Rand’s confusing job, space viruses, Mad Max vibes, inexplicable earth copies, and BLAH BLAH BLAH. There’s nigh-immortal space kids in this one, just like in my Japanese animes! Also, important PSAs and press A to JAAAAAAAHHN.

Omnipotent beings this episode: 0

Total omnipotent being count: 2

Crew deaths this episode: 0

Total crew deaths: 20 (2 gold, 4 blue, 4 red, 10 unknown)

Non-crew deaths this episode: 2 infected pubescent space youths

Total deaths: 48

Intro/outro music by Night Stop, off of the Fuel EP!

Episode 8: What Are Little Girls Made Of?

Another Tuesday, another episode of The Long Trek Home! This week, we watch episode 7 of Star Trek: The Original Series. “What Are Little Girls Made Of?” Buddy, if I knew that, I’d be drowning in ’em.

This week, we talk about robots. Nurse Chapel stars in a thrilling tale of unlovable robots, cool space fashions, and spinning tables. Did we mention the robots? Yeah. Oh, and Kirk gets a space-racist clone for a bit, so that’s neat! We really enjoyed this episode, so come on down and join us on our five million year voyage to watch all of Trek in order! A dark secret lurks at the end of this episode. Are you strong enough to survive the experience?

NOTE: Ruk’s actor is misidentified as Richard Kiel during this episode. We know that’s not who he is. Whoops???

Omnipotent beings this episode: 0

Total omnipotent being count: 2

Crew deaths this episode: 2

Total crew deaths: 20 (2 gold, 4 blue, 4 red, 10 unknown)

Non-crew deaths this episode: 5 androids

Total deaths: 46

Intro/outro music by Night Stop, off of the Fuel EP!

Episode 7: Mudd’s Women

The five hundred year voyage to watch every episode of Star Trek continues, with TOS episode 6, “Mudd’s Women.” This is the one with … a lot of terrible things, honestly. Too many things for a pithy one-liner!

This episode, we talk about sex trafficking in space, the title of Chelsea’s post-rock album, vehicular definitions, drugs, and the importance of the number three. Did we mention the weird sex trafficking vibes? Join Chelsea and SEM as they talk about the worst episode of the series so far! There’s also a lengthy tangent about radioactive debacles, because anything’s better than Mudd’s Women.

#SpaceCapitalism #Confirmed #Illuminati

Omnipotent beings this episode: 0

Total omnipotent being count: 2

Crew deaths this episode: 0

Total crew deaths: 18 (2 gold, 4 blue, 2 red, 10 unknown)

Total deaths: 39

Intro/outro music by Night Stop, off of the Fuel EP!

Episode 6: The Evil Within: The Enemy Within

Our five hundred year mission to watch all of Star Trek continues, and now it’s time for Star Trek: The Original Series episode 5, THE ENEMY WITHIN. This is the one with evil Kirk! The first one.

 

This time, we talk about the measure of man, and also the measure of temperature in various scales. Sweaty boys, sex pests with eyeliner, fanfic concepts and the well-earned beach vacation yeoman Rand so desperately needs all feature on today’s podcast. This episode has an evil clone and a unicorn dog. It’s great.

 

Omnipotent beings this episode: 0

Total omnipotent being count: 2

Crew deaths this episode: 0

Total crew deaths: 18 (2 gold, 4 blue, 2 red, 10 unknown)

Total deaths: 39

Intro/outro music by Night Stop, off of the Fuel EP!

Episode 5: The Naked Time

The five year voyage to watch every episode of Star Trek continues with TOS episode 4, “The Naked Time.” This is the one where Sulu takes his shirt off!

Sorry for the late episode – Chelsea is sick as a hundred dogs. Enjoy the dulcet tones of a sore throat in this exciting podcast!

In another non-pilot episode, we finally meet Nurse Chapel, Uhura is our MVP, and Sulu chases people down hallways with his fencing foil. Poor use of personal protective equipment, space madness, and complex molecules all teach us important lessons in life and science.

Omnipotent beings this episode: 0

Total omnipotent being count: 2

Crew deaths this episode: 1

Total crew deaths: 18 (2 gold, 4 blue, 2 red, 10 unknown)

Total deaths: 39

Intro/outro music by Night Stop, off of the Fuel EP!

Episode 4: Where No Man Has Gone Before

The five year voyage to watch every episode of Star Trek continues with episode 3, “Where No Man Has Gone Before.” This is the one with Gary Mitchell!

 

This podcast, we encounter yet another pilot episode, meet Scotty for the first time, sing about some Gary that we used to know, and look forward to the space Tarantino flick Kill Mitchell. We also debate how many omnipotent beings we’ve encountered thus far, enjoy the tapes of future past, and get a little Shakespearean.

 

Omnipotent Beings This Episode: (.5 * 2) = 1

Total Omnipotent Beings: 2

Crew Deaths This Episode: 17

Other Deaths This Episode: 0

Total Crew Deaths: 17

Total Deaths: 38

 

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Intro/Outro Music by Night Stop from the Fuel EP!